i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
