I cockslap morals
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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