Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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