i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
