I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
