vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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