We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Congratulations! We have a period
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
