I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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