I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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