So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
