I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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