i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
either way he was missing a nipple.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
