Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
