at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
