she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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