True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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