Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
