I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
