oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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