My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
