i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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