Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
