No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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