I just pynch a tree in the face
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
