he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
