College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
