I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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