i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
