Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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