hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
