Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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