it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
