Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
