garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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