what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
