my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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