Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
