I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
