My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
