I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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