All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
