Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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