omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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