there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
