there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
