Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
