if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
