Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
