I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
