dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize