My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
