I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
