I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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