You're my little dorito
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
