uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
