eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
