my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
