maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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