when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
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