he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I AM VODKA MAN
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
