Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
