I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
