I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Randomize
