He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
