you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
