no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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