I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
