Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
