everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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